i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
