There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
