you guys were way drunker than both of me
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
