He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
