I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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