All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Randomize
