who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
