honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
