Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize
