I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
