she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
