Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
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