I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
