Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
