last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
