you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Randomize
