Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
the raccoons are back...
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