You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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