My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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