I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Randomize
