My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Randomize
