At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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