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I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
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