dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
