what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
