what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
