how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
