I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
