I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Man, jail baloney is awful.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Randomize
