if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
A bitchslap is in order.
Randomize
