he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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