Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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