We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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