I bet he comes in French.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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