haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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