He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
