i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
