she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Randomize
