Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
