how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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