I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Randomize
