My boss' voice literally gives me gas
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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