Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Drake has all the answers
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
