im six kinds of drunk right now
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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