Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
