I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
