he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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