Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
