Fine. I'll sleep in my office
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Randomize
