She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
There's even glitter on my cock...
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