I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize
