it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
