he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I enjoy the company of your penis
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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