its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
