watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
