Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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