I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Come share oat with me in your robe
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Randomize
